Franciscan Sisters TOR

Caroline's Vocation Story

Caroline

Not long ago, I found a list of prospective colleges that I had written when I was in high school. Across “Franciscan University of Steubenville” was a big “X” and “too cold, too far.” God has a sense of humor, because after this Cajun girl agreed to temporarily leave the warmth and spice of Louisiana to attend Franciscan University, she once again finds herself in the Ohio Valley, away from her family and the banks of the bayous- this time, it’s to stay.

So, how DID I get here? It’s impossible to put into words all that Jesus has said and done along the way, but I will try to hit the highlights. It’s been quite a ride!
I was blessed to be born and raised in a close-knit Catholic family. I have always had a special love for little ones and couldn’t wait to get married and have a family of my own. Wedding planning was also a hobby of mine, and before I graduated from high school, I had my whole wedding planned, down to the last meatball. All that was missing was the perfect man!

I was always open to any vocation, (or thought I was), but when the first hint of a calling to religious life entered my mind, I dismissed it. I knew God wanted to give me the desires of my heart- religious life was not my desire. But very gently and gradually, God began to shift my desires, or rather, to show me that religious life was the fulfillment of my desires, the true desire of my heart.

I had mentioned to a few close friends that I was kind of thinking about a religious vocation, and they both confirmed it and challenged me to continue to actively explore this call. Through one of them, I was connected with a spiritual director who gave me a passage from the Gospel of John (1:38-39) to pray with. “Jesus turned and saw them following, and said to them, ‘What do you seek?’ And they said to Him, ‘Rabbi, where are you staying?’ He said to them, ‘Come and see.’” I was encouraged to seek Jesus in religious life, to ask Him where (in what vocation) He is staying for me, personally.
I told God I’d go on a discernment retreat to find out more about religious life, really thinking I was going to rule it out. I was taught by a T.O.R. sister at Franciscan University and was somewhat familiar with their order, so I started there. I actually enjoyed the retreat and could relate to much of what the speakers were saying. At the end, religious life wasn’t totally “X”ed off my list; I had no “no way” feelings, but no “this is it” feelings either, not at this time anyway. I came and saw, nothing major happened, so I went on with my life. I didn’t feel any greater desire or pull toward religious life, so I didn’t pursue it further

During the summer following this retreat, one of my close friends and I volunteered at a Steubenville youth conference in Louisiana. At the end of the conference, the bishop did a vocation altar call. If I didn’t feel a pull at the retreat, God made up for it at this conference. He’s pretty strong, too. I felt such a strong tug on my heart that it seemed like I was being pulled physically, too. I actually held on to my chair! When I realized I was doing that, I couldn’t help laughing at myself, and, needless to say, I went up to the altar to receive prayer and a blessing. I knew what I had to do. At home, I looked at the TOR website to see what the next step in the discernment process would be, and it said “Come and See,” (that sounded familiar.) After procrastinating for a while, I ended up signing up for and attending the “Come and See” in the spring. Once I was there, though it took some time to get used to the schedule, (5am wasn’t my usual wake-up time), and to find my way around the house, it didn’t take long for me to get the “This is it, I’m home!” feeling in my heart. I found where the Master stayed for me! But He wanted to continue the work He was doing in me, so I could enter into this way of life more freely. The time wasn’t right just yet, but He wanted to give me a taste of what He had in store for me, so my desires could conform more to His desires for me. As my desire to answer His call grew, it seems like my struggle with it did also. I felt like I wasn’t holy enough, I wouldn’t be able to leave my family and friends, and what about the family of my own I always wanted???

I remember being in the Adoration chapel one day, and as my eyes were fixed on Jesus, it hit me- Wow! He gave Himself, His very life, for love of me, how else could I respond except to give my life, my everything, totally to Him? I realized the deepest desire of my heart was for Him. His desire for me became my desire. My relationship with Him as a Beloved became much more intimate and powerful. I had been praying with Isaiah 43:1-7 for about a year now, (inserting my name where it said “Israel” or “Jacob”), and recognized that its meaning had changed for me. Jesus was speaking to me through this passage as my Beloved- calling me His, calling me by His name (as a bride is called by her spouse’s name). He will give nations in exchange for me, and He’ll walk through waters and fire for me- what a proposal! It seems that Jesus even asked the permission of my dad, or my dad had already given his blessing. When I told my dad I was thinking about religious life, he said he had been praying since we were born that one of his kids would be a priest or a nun. God continued to confirm His call through the people in my life, and He also did so through songs and images.

At the beginning of our Veteran’s Day Mass, the Holy Spirit gave me a very vivid image. As a trumpet began to play for the entrance procession, I saw a white carpet being rolled down the center aisle and my dad escorting me up to the altar. There was only one kneeler in front of the altar, and Jesus was waiting for me. There were red rose petals scattered around the Monstrance. This was such a powerful image, one I definitely could not forget or ignore.
But I was pretty demanding and told God I needed another confirmation. “God, I need it in black and white. Are you calling me to religious life???” I was going through old papers one day and was about to toss a business card, but decided to take a quick look at the back for some reason. On this white business card, was written in black bold letters, “Take courage, get up, Jesus is calling you.”

Okay! So, after visiting several other communities and realizing that the “This is it, I’m home” feeling was unique to the T.O.R. Sisters, for me, I made plans to visit them again. I experienced such a freedom and deep peace and joy during my time there, I didn’t want to leave. The words to a song describe how I felt; “Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere”. I saw the Franciscan T.O.R. community as “His courts” and it’s where my heart was, (and remained, even when I went back home).

Even still, when asked if I wanted to apply for the fall, fall 2009 that is, I panicked. I was thinking 2010. Yes Lord, but not yet. What about all of my plans? I need more time to spend with my niece, with my family and friends, more time to travel, … When I took this to prayer, an image of the Annunciation came to mind. When asked to be the Mother of God, Mary didn’t say “Yes, but wait until I get married. Yes, but wait until I’m a little older. Yes, but…” She said, “YES!” So, I clung to her and constantly asked her intercession as I went through the application process. Through the whole process I felt such a peace and uncontainable joy, and it went so smoothly. As I sat before Jesus in Adoration during one of my final visits, I asked Him, “Is this it? It feels right, Lord; is it right? Is this where you want me? Is this what you want for me? Do you want me now (2009)?” Right then, I saw an image of Jesus. He was dirty and sweaty and was dusting off His hands and sighing like He’d just finished some strenuous work. I noticed that He was standing on totally flat ground. He had been clearing the land- moving all of the obstacles out of the way- so the deepest desire of my heart could be fulfilled! He was looking at me with such love and longing, and I heard the song “How Can You Say No” in my heart. “Could you tell Him you’re not ready now to give Him your life…” He was once again asking me to be His bride. An overwhelming peace and joy filled me, and from deep within my heart and with a profound freedom, I answered, “YES!” So, I finally found the perfect man, or He found me! I entered “His courts” on August 8th, 2009!

I’m so grateful for all who, through their prayers, support, and presence in my life, have helped me to realize my vocation and reach a place of freedom where I could say yes to living it. Special thanks to my family for their support and blessing and their constant and unconditional love. Ya’ll will always hold a special place in my heart and in my prayers!

Please continue to pray for me! May God bless all of you and give you the desires of your heart!

Peace,
Caroline

Welcome to Franciscan Sisters, T.O.R., of Penance of the Sorrowful Mother


			Caroline's Vocation Story Not long ago, I found a list of prospective colleges that I had written when I was in high school. Across “Franciscan University of Steubenville” was a big “X” and “too cold, too far.” God has a sense of humor, because after this Cajun girl agreed to temporarily leave the warmth and spice of Louisiana to attend Franciscan University, she once again finds herself in the Ohio Valley, away from her family and the banks of the bayous- this time, it’s to stay. So, how DID I get here? It’s impossible to put into words all that Jesus has said and done along the way, but I will try to hit the highlights. It’s been quite a ride! I was blessed to be born and raised in a close-knit Catholic family. I have always had a special love for little ones and couldn’t wait to get married and have a family of my own. Wedding planning was also a hobby of mine, and before I graduated from high school, I had my whole wedding planned, down to the last meatball. All that was missing was the perfect man! I was always open to any vocation, (or thought I was), but when the first hint of a calling to religious life entered my mind, I dismissed it. I knew God wanted to give me the desires of my heart- religious life was not my desire. But very gently and gradually, God began to shift my desires, or rather, to show me that religious life was the fulfillment of my desires, the true desire of my heart. I had mentioned to a few close friends that I was kind of thinking about a religious vocation, and they both confirmed it and challenged me to continue to actively explore this call. Through one of them, I was connected with a spiritual director who gave me a passage from the Gospel of John (1:38-39) to pray with. “Jesus turned and saw them following, and said to them, ‘What do you seek?’ And they said to Him, ‘Rabbi, where are you staying?’ He said to them, ‘Come and see.’” I was encouraged to seek Jesus in religious life, to ask Him where (in what vocation) He is staying for me, personally. I told God I’d go on a discernment retreat to find out more about religious life, really thinking I was going to rule it out. I was taught by a T.O.R. sister at Franciscan University and was somewhat familiar with their order, so I started there. I actually enjoyed the retreat and could relate to much of what the speakers were saying. At the end, religious life wasn’t totally “X”ed off my list; I had no “no way” feelings, but no “this is it” feelings either, not at this time anyway. I came and saw, nothing major happened, so I went on with my life. I didn’t feel any greater desire or pull toward religious life, so I didn’t pursue it further During the summer following this retreat, one of my close friends and I volunteered at a Steubenville youth conference in Louisiana. At the end of the conference, the bishop did a vocation altar call. If I didn’t feel a pull at the retreat, God made up for it at this conference. He’s pretty strong, too. I felt such a strong tug on my heart that it seemed like I was being pulled physically, too. I actually held on to my chair! When I realized I was doing that, I couldn’t help laughing at myself, and, needless to say, I went up to the altar to receive prayer and a blessing. I knew what I had to do. At home, I looked at the TOR website to see what the next step in the discernment process would be, and it said “Come and See,” (that sounded familiar.) After procrastinating for a while, I ended up signing up for and attending the “Come and See” in the spring. Once I was there, though it took some time to get used to the schedule, (5am wasn’t my usual wake-up time), and to find my way around the house, it didn’t take long for me to get the “This is it, I’m home!” feeling in my heart. I found where the Master stayed for me! But He wanted to continue the work He was doing in me, so I could enter into this way of life more freely. The time wasn’t right just yet, but He wanted to give me a taste of what He had in store for me, so my desires could conform more to His desires for me. As my desire to answer His call grew, it seems like my struggle with it did also. I felt like I wasn’t holy enough, I wouldn’t be able to leave my family and friends, and what about the family of my own I always wanted??? I remember being in the Adoration chapel one day, and as my eyes were fixed on Jesus, it hit me- Wow! He gave Himself, His very life, for love of me, how else could I respond except to give my life, my everything, totally to Him? I realized the deepest desire of my heart was for Him. His desire for me became my desire. My relationship with Him as a Beloved became much more intimate and powerful. I had been praying with Isaiah 43:1-7 for about a year now, (inserting my name where it said “Israel” or “Jacob”), and recognized that its meaning had changed for me. Jesus was speaking to me through this passage as my Beloved- calling me His, calling me by His name (as a bride is called by her spouse’s name). He will give nations in exchange for me, and He’ll walk through waters and fire for me- what a proposal! It seems that Jesus even asked the permission of my dad, or my dad had already given his blessing. When I told my dad I was thinking about religious life, he said he had been praying since we were born that one of his kids would be a priest or a nun. God continued to confirm His call through the people in my life, and He also did so through songs and images. At the beginning of our Veteran’s Day Mass, the Holy Spirit gave me a very vivid image. As a trumpet began to play for the entrance procession, I saw a white carpet being rolled down the center aisle and my dad escorting me up to the altar. There was only one kneeler in front of the altar, and Jesus was waiting for me. There were red rose petals scattered around the Monstrance. This was such a powerful image, one I definitely could not forget or ignore. But I was pretty demanding and told God I needed another confirmation. “God, I need it in black and white. Are you calling me to religious life???” I was going through old papers one day and was about to toss a business card, but decided to take a quick look at the back for some reason. On this white business card, was written in black bold letters, “Take courage, get up, Jesus is calling you.” Okay! So, after visiting several other communities and realizing that the “This is it, I’m home” feeling was unique to the T.O.R. Sisters, for me, I made plans to visit them again. I experienced such a freedom and deep peace and joy during my time there, I didn’t want to leave. The words to a song describe how I felt; “Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere”. I saw the Franciscan T.O.R. community as “His courts” and it’s where my heart was, (and remained, even when I went back home). Even still, when asked if I wanted to apply for the fall, fall 2009 that is, I panicked. I was thinking 2010. Yes Lord, but not yet. What about all of my plans? I need more time to spend with my niece, with my family and friends, more time to travel, … When I took this to prayer, an image of the Annunciation came to mind. When asked to be the Mother of God, Mary didn’t say “Yes, but wait until I get married. Yes, but wait until I’m a little older. Yes, but…” She said, “YES!” So, I clung to her and constantly asked her intercession as I went through the application process. Through the whole process I felt such a peace and uncontainable joy, and it went so smoothly. As I sat before Jesus in Adoration during one of my final visits, I asked Him, “Is this it? It feels right, Lord; is it right? Is this where you want me? Is this what you want for me? Do you want me now (2009)?” Right then, I saw an image of Jesus. He was dirty and sweaty and was dusting off His hands and sighing like He’d just finished some strenuous work. I noticed that He was standing on totally flat ground. He had been clearing the land- moving all of the obstacles out of the way- so the deepest desire of my heart could be fulfilled! He was looking at me with such love and longing, and I heard the song “How Can You Say No” in my heart. “Could you tell Him you’re not ready now to give Him your life…” He was once again asking me to be His bride. An overwhelming peace and joy filled me, and from deep within my heart and with a profound freedom, I answered, “YES!” So, I finally found the perfect man, or He found me! I entered “His courts” on August 8th, 2009! I’m so grateful for all who, through their prayers, support, and presence in my life, have helped me to realize my vocation and reach a place of freedom where I could say yes to living it. Special thanks to my family for their support and blessing and their constant and unconditional love. Ya’ll will always hold a special place in my heart and in my prayers! Please continue to pray for me! May God bless all of you and give you the desires of your heart! Peace, Caroline